Stop!

Do not steal the stop sign right outside the Department of Public Safety office. They will catch you. Especially if you decide to stop in the middle of the street next to the stop sign and put on your hazard lights so that your friend (Julianne) can run out with a knife to pry off the last remaining nail. While it may be true that the stop sign is now remarkably easy to steal—because someone pryed off that last remaining nail—that white SUV you see might actually be an unmarked DPS vehicle that will pursue you. And if you don't pull over right away when they flash their white lights and a low-speed chase ensues down McClintock towards Parkside, they will call for reinforcements. And reinforcements will come. And the bitchy officer who will take down all your friend's information won't even crack a smile when she says, "You could be going to jail for this." And when she makes your friend return the sign, you might be tempted to giggle, which will only prompt the officer to remind you that you are an "accomplice." And it will occur to you, isn't stealing a stop sign attempted manslaughter, and thus a felony? And while the anxiety of the moment might make you inclined to giggle again, giggling at felonies is inappropriate. So even though the stop sign may look like it's begging for a new home—just lying there, propped against the orange construction sign—avoid the inevitable faux pas and talk your friend out of it. The officer will only tell you that what you should have done anyway.